Jesus Apprentice - a Book Review
Would Seeing Help Believing?

How do you know if you're doing it right?

A friend of mine, newly married, asked me an interesting question recently, 

How do you know if you’re doing it right?


How Do you Know


Here you are standing at the threshold of a new normal with, let’s face it, a stranger. How does he like his laundry folded? Does he even like his laundry folded or would he rather do it himself? (OK, I could probably answer that question.) How much time will you spend alone? Once kids arrive, will you ever get time alone again?


The questions keep coming and you really don’t know if you’re answering them right at all.


It’s that way with anything fresh and new. New job. New city. New church. The first few days you bring a newborn home from the hospital. The day you drop your little ones off at school. Every. Year.


Little wonder some grow terrified of change. Everyday life can offer such a security blanket effect. 


How do you know if you’re doing it right?




I wonder if that’s the wrong question altogether. The more I think on it, I’m quite certain trying to do it right will set us up to fail. Right is an illusion.


What I told her is that we’ve worked hard to find what works for us. We’re happy.


Realize How You're Both Wired.

We're two very independent people. We have to be intentional about investing in one another’s lives. I remember going on a girl’s weekend a few years back. The other gal texted and called her husband constantly. He had a play by play experience of the whole weekend. And I’m OK with that. It’s their thing. Me? I called my husband once, to let him know I was on my way home. 


Make time to do things you enjoy together.

There are a lot of things we don’t have in common. Even after all these years together. However, we have plenty in common too. (Insider scoop: every few years, these interests will likely change.) Balance is the thing. My husband will grill out all year long. Even in January. In snowy Michigan. I like preparing the sides in the kitchen. We enjoy entertaining others in our home. Often, we find a TV series that we watch after our daughter goes to bed. The list goes on and we place a high priority on doing things together.


Always communicate.

Establish healthy styles of communication. We have never, ever, called each other a bad name. Again, that’s us. I’m very thankful. Disagreements can get heated but they remain on topic. No drudging up the past. No laying all the blame at the other person’s feet. Even when it’s hard, keep talking.


Don’t put too much stock in other people’s advice.

Sure, you can seek out the wisdom of a few people you trust. But again, it’s your relationship. Like no other couple out there. It’s important that you develop your rhythm together.


Kids change things.

Duh, right?! But don’t disregard this truth. It’s so easy for our lives to revolve around our children. Then, someday, when they’re grown and gone (Lord willing), you find yourself staring at a stranger. We all know couples with this story. Keep your focus on your spouse.


I’m not sure I gave my friend the right answer. There’s that word again. I did give her an honest one. I don’t expect others to look at our marriage and copy it to achieve success.  Instead, I encouraged her to continue getting to know the stranger she married. Continue getting to know herself too. Put God right in the middle of all that and all of you - do the work.  

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