Motherhood has broken me open. I didn't know broken, fragile pieces could be so beautiful, but that's how I see myself now. Not an outer beauty, but an inner one that has allowed motherhood to soften me, to shape me. I didn't know this kind of brokenness would teach me how to really live. It would teach me to walk by faith, not by sight. Because sometimes, I cannot see the outcome, but I trust it to be good. 

“Take these broken wings and learn to fly.”

Paul McCartney ("Blackbird")

I see much of me in her. Our teenage daughter who wants to know everything. Who finds her value in knowledge and studies. I long to be the bridge between perfection and broken humanity. Perhaps that's a bridge a person has to build on their own, using each stone hurled her way, one by one. We identify life by milestones, those transition points that take us from here to there. In this case, I'm thinking of the seismic occurrences that, broke our family (and society) collectively open, and our new selves emerged. We could not stay the same.

mean girls, pandemics, adults who hurt, middle school, jaded history, cell phones, technology, quarantine, death, broken education, me culture, violence, church power struggles

So we take this fragile journey together. I pray, asking God to keep my heart soft, asking him to do the same for her. I'm a broken vessel of vulnerability, pouring out beauty so my daughter can see it. Feel it all around her. I beg the Holy Spirit to give me discernment in talking about all the things she already knows about in life, even those parts I wish she didn't know yet. Someday, not all that far from now, may our daughter look back and know she had honest parents. Loving and true.

I'm broken open, before my daughter. The world is too volatile for her to understand it as safe. Isn't this a wonderful space for faith to enter in? To build our trust in God? What a beautiful privilege to lead my daughter into the holy of holies. That space where we encounter God, not because we go to church or don't cuss or believe how some Christians expect us to believe, but because he is, always and forever, the way, the truth, and the life. Broken open before our Savior, so his light can shine forth. Asking him to teach us to fly, even with broken wings.

This post is a part of the blog tour for The Beauty of Motherhood: Grace-Filled Devotions for the Early Years. With scripture, stories, prayers, and practices, The Beauty of Motherhood provides mothers with refreshment and the reminder that they are not alone as they mother. Order your copy at Amazon, or Bookshop. The Beauty of Motherhood is out now! 

I met the authors, Kimberly Knowle-Zeller and Erin Strybis at a virtual writer's conference with Collegeville Institute. I so wish it could have been in person, to meet these wonderful ladies face to face. Next time.